The culture of your marriage is dictated by a lot of different things, but in this post, I want to discuss 3 distinct principles that every marriage should consist of. Think of them as a foundation on which to build. They outline a way to conduct yourself so that no matter what happens, no matter the situation you find yourself in, you have a basis for conduct.
A basis for conduct may be a weird phrase choice, but if you think about stress and the idea that stress distorts a things true shape or form, there will be many moments in life where you lash out at your wife and say things that you probably didn't mean. But, if you believe to your very core, the principles that I'm about to share with you, then you always have a way of thinking to lean back on during those moments of stress. Think of them as a compass, a way to find yourself again when you become lost.
The Three Bests
TL;DR: Marriage is about believing the BEST in each other, wanting the BEST for each other, and expecting the BEST from one another.
Believe the BEST In Each Other
Creating a lasting, loving marriage starts with knowing that your wife is the best. You have to believe that she is full of greatness and that during those times of stress and those moments when you're left wondering who you married (believe me, us men make our wives wonder that way more times than we do them), that she needs you more than ever.
Instead of concentrating on the outward manifestation of her stress, focus on the internal content of her character. This will allow you to overcome the moment by focusing on who you know your wife to be. Meeting anger with anger is never the way to interact during a disagreement. Know that the best resides within your wife, and the moment will pass. Stay calm and focus on what she is trying to tell you, more than the words she is using, no matter how painful they might be.
Wanting The Best For Each Other
Want the best for your wife. Not just things, but the best words from you, your best love, the best of you. Wanting the best for another brings out the best in you. There is a downside to this, and that is if you feel things aren't reciprocated, it can lead to anger. That's why it's important to double down on the idea of wanting the best for your wife, no matter what she gives you in return.
I understand that's a hard pill to swallow but believe me, your wife will WANT to reciprocate. I'm a firm believer in the idea that you CAN'T fix another person, but you can inspire them to what to be better. You do that by working on yourself. By working on WHO you are.
No, I'm not saying that it's all your fault if your marriage isn't where either of you envisioned that it would be. All I'm saying is that you are 100% responsible for your side of things.
I talk about this more in the free Becoming a Committed Husband guide that you can download here.
Expect The Best From One Another
The wording may sound strange, but allow me to explain. First, I think it's important to understand that when I say, "expect the best from your wife" that I'm not saying set the bar high and if she doesn't reach it then make her feel bad about it. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is that you have to believe that she is the best. That there is no other woman who even comes close.
We're all human, none of us are perfect — not you, not me, and not your wife. There is no way that anyone can live up to the expectations that we men set for others in our mind. So stop focusing on where your wife falls short, stop comparing her to your ideal woman, she is tired of trying to live up to it. Instead, see what your wife is doing is her best.
No, I'm not telling you to turn a blind eye to everything. I'm telling you to come from a place of compassion when discussing how YOU feel. However, before you can have a productive conversation with your wife about what she might be doing to upset the balance of the marriage, you must first work on your side of the equation. You must SHOW effort on your end. That's how you get your wife to lean back into you.
Guys, women are different than we are. They understand this whole relationship thing better than we do. Wives reciprocate. If you change, she will change. If you show effort towards reversing a dwindling marriage so will she.
You're 100% capable of changing things around. You have the power to make things better or stronger than they are right now. Believe me, I lived through it.