4 Tips on How A Good Husband Can Rekindle the Spark in Marriage
Nothing you do in your committed relationship as a good husband inspires and excites your wife's passion more than her ability to trust and believe in you.
Your wife's level of romance, passion, and desire is fundamentally dependent on how much she trusts and believes in you, her husband. Study after study reveals that trust is directly related to whether or not she can connect and align with you mentally, emotionally, and on a physical level. Research also shows that even after years of marriage, you can erode her trust and break your connection by doing what most husbands typically do over time. Of course, that's the whole point of this article, to prevent that.
Trust determines if she can relax without worrying about what you'll do next, feels safe with you, and believes that you are competent in your husbandly role as provider, protector, and leader. Her sexual appetite, sense of emotional and physical security, and attractiveness are similarly fed by that same trust. It's something that you can understand yourself because you tend to 'lockout' people you don't feel you can trust. After all, it's just too risky with them.
"The best proof of love is trust."
Dr. Joyce Brothers
Even Mayo Clinic research lists broken trust as a serious contributing factor for women suffering from low sex drive in committed relationships. The deeper the level of confidence and belief you build with her, the freer she will feel to her to invest corresponding degrees of love, receptivity, openness, and lust into her bond with you. If there are reasons and causes for distrust, then her humanly justified reaction is to protect herself from vulnerability, and that ruins romance for you both.
A key, then, is for you to correct or remove any 'distrustful' behaviors from your daily activities. If you clear the board of things that make a wife lose trust, then she can feel free to safely lower her guard and open her heart and mind to you. This enables any wife to connect with her loving spouse to a profound degree, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The emotional and spiritual trust makes her want to throw the doors of her passion wide open for you. You can learn more about specific strategies to successfully inspire your wife to lean back into you.
As Husband, Leadership and Taking Initiative are Your Responsibility!
So, why am I saddling you, as her husband, with the responsibility to increase the level of trust in your marriage? Because the numbers say that we fellows are the main problem, and it's been that way throughout modern history.
According to a General Social Survey, men tend to violate their marriage sexual relationship during most of the years ranging from 18 years old into our 70's although there is a slight uptick for younger married women 18 to 29 years old. Otherwise, the problem lies mostly with us guys, and stats say that the older we get, the more untrustworthy we become. This leaves little wonder as to why, in the United States, women initiate the majority of divorces. So, we men are already at a disadvantage when we make our vows, according to statistics.
If you don't want to fall victim to high divorce rates (exceeding 42% of marriages), then you will need to do what millions of husbands fail to do even when given decades to work out the problem. You must make the conscious decision to be a pillar of trust for your wife to lean on. As a man, you will have to take the road less traveled and adopt a lifestyle approach that enables your wife to know without a doubt that yours is a trust that won't be broken. Also, this is a decision you need to make now, because the longer you hold off, the higher your chances of a failed marriage and all the pain and expense that follows.
Be the Beacon that Attracts Her Love, Trust, and Passionate Desire
In days of old, wary sea captains plying dangerous trade routes at sea learned the value of trusting lighthouse signals during bad storms as guides to safe harbor. There were occasions when some ships fell victim to pirates who would trick vessels into following a false light, but wise captains learned to look for more than just one sign to know whether they were on a trustworthy course leading to safety. By knowing all the signs to watch for, precious cargo could be safely delivered to the right destination. Ship captains prefer to dock where they feel safe.
The fact is that women in the modern age are far more literate as to the behaviors men demonstrate when operating from a position of integrity. Like responsible captains, they not only hone in on the words you say but watch for numerous signs that yours is the safe emotional and physical harbor for them to drop anchor and let her hair down. If you fail to show signs that connecting with you is safe even at the deepest levels, she' free to reciprocate. After all, you're actually showing that you trust her by going that extra mile.
Your job is to make your 'intention signal' so clear, bright, and consistent that she can see it even if she's been distant. Like a Lighthouse Captain at his post, the goal is to let her know that you are the safest port and are busily refurbishing and updating her berthing space. With the power of habit, you can continually assure her with observable, solid reasons on a daily basis to trust and believe in you, your intentions, authenticity, and integrity. To help you start off in a way that makes a big difference, and quickly, here are four useful ideas.
First, Make It Your Definite Goal to Be a Better Husband - by Focusing Your Mind on the Wife to Whom You Are Married Now.
You want more profound love, trust, and passion from your wife, but do you give that to her in a way that's clearly understood? Not if you have created an 'ultimate wife' in your mind and are judging by that standard. Surveys show that competing with a husband's thought-based superwoman stirs up anxiety, frustration, and a sense of betrayal. Remember that your vow is to her, not some woman you wish she were.
When she feels unfair pressure from your mentally-conditioned expectations as to who she 'needs' to be, it creates psychological and emotional distance. The ideal wife standards in your head were probably handed to you by somebody else, and you made them yours without question or investigation. The problem is that wives despise the fine print hidden in your head just as much as husbands hate having to measure up to the 'dream husband' makes the rounds in women's magazines and daytime television.
Our social circle never seems empty of marriage counselors who get their in-depth knowledge from goofing off on the internet. Taking advice from even well-meaning chums can land you in a battle to win a woman who does not exist; meanwhile, while you end up neglecting the potential that awaits in your real relationship.
Popular media is also full of shallow, self-serving tactical advice that can't stand the test of time. Many information sources skew their headlines and content to either stroke your ego or appeal to your sense of frustration as a man, tending to relieve husbands of personal responsibility by helping him look for and "fix" a wife's shortfalls.
She's not an old, dusty house for you to repair to flip for resale. If you continue listening to mixed-up media personalities (look at the divorce rate in Hollywood!) and your opinionated friends as to what makes a perfect wife, you can find yourself stuck longing for a phantom.
Any answers telling you that it's all your wife's fault and your mission to adjust her thinking is doomed to failure. Remember, the stats strongly show that we as men tend to do the falling short, giving women little choice but to initiate the majority of divorces.
In your goal to become a better husband, you are the one who must show make the first move, and in her direction. In your thoughts, emotions, and deeds, you have to decide to live the 100% Commitment to unconditional love required to honor your vows fully! Whatever plans that you've made about a future with another woman currently under assembly in your head, drop them. Begin making real plans in your mind and heart with the real woman who has pledged herself to you.
Second, There's Only ONE Expert on How to Make Your Wife Happy: YOU ARE MARRIED TO HER!
"It is hard to fill a cup that is already full."
To save time and frustration, put your new wife-centric focus to work efficiently by going straight to the source of knowledge to learn all you need on the topic of earning and securing her mental, emotional, and sexual trust. In this way, you can discover the delights of living by the principle, "Give, and ye shall receive."
By letting your wife know that you don't know everything and are willing to listen, sincerely, you show leadership, which women find attractive. This unique action demonstrates to her that you love her on a deeper level. After all, most husbands merely assume that they know what they're doing and run with the assumptions they think they understand.
Seeking her input shows you trust in her point of view, and are 100% invested in your future, walking the path together as opposed to "my way or the highway." Involving her in this way helps build a solid shared foundation for the future of your marriage by pointing you both in a single direction toward, working toward a future you're both anticipating.
Your friends (and the talking heads on t.v.) don't know anything about the depths of your wife's heart and mind. Her friends are similarly unhelpful resources when it comes to knowing how to create lasting happiness in the relationship. They don't know the secret hopes, dreams, and desires that reside within, and they certainly don't suffer the frustration you do of not knowing many of the exact details on what makes her tick. Stop asking people in the cheap seats, get your information from your MVP.
Third, Take Daily Action to Build the Habits of a Good Husband.
You've set the goal and are now focusing 100% of your romantic attention on the most valuable person in your life. Further, you have taken the step that millions of husbands fail to do by actually getting your wife's unfiltered, honest input. Having asked and considered her point of view, you should have lots of additional knowledge with which you can plot an adventurous course.
So, what's next on the road to marital bliss? Consistency, habit, and mastery are the three concepts that will do the job for you at this point, so you need to make your goal into a lifestyle.
You want to progress building your skills set the way anyone learns to become a master at their craft, by moving ahead as passionately as you can, even if you're clumsy at it in the beginning. As you get better and learn from your mistakes, continue checking in with your wife and adding to your insights. Of course, you want to do some helpful reading from real experts on relationships and communication. Keep in mind that your wife has intimate, secret knowledge she will share with you as long as she knows you are genuinely working on behalf of your marriage.
Each day when you wake up, set aside time to think about your life goals, and include in your routine the plans and details of your ambition to be a better husband. Are there tasks that you should do as part of your daily routine? Is there a small action you can regularly take that will lead to a more trusting, faithful, and loving relationship? Is there a trust-breaking habit that you need to make an effort at eliminating?
Perhaps there's a small gesture that, when repeated over time, makes a big difference in the strength of your mental, emotional, and physical connection? You see, it's not always about doing big things to get noticed. Success is typically a matter of doing a few simple things each day, and marriage is no different.
If you can find a way to show her every day that what's important to her is important to you, she'll throw the doors of trust, belief, and passion wide open for you.
Fourth and Final, Remove Every Trust-destroying Distraction from Your Daily Life - and make sure she gets a good view of the action.
You're a grown, married man, not a high-school student trying to impress the cool kids, and it's time to put away childish things that don't show 100% commitment to your wife.
Let's not beat around the bush here. You absolutely must step up to your full responsibility by kicking your old girlfriends, friends with benefits, ex-wives, and flirt buddies (online and offline) to the curb.
When it comes to other women who are not your wife, none of them take priority in either time nor attention. Unless it is strictly work-related and entirely professional, they don't belong in your wallet, in your phone contacts, email contacts, or Social Media connections and messaging. Whatever is making you hesitate to get rid of those ties is poisonous to your marriage, slowly eating away at it in ways you may not perceive.
On this point, you might even have to be a little ruthless, sacrificing the flimsy threads still clinging to your life in favor of a two-fisted grip on the sturdy, single line that you'll use to haul yourself up from the depths of marital ignorance. 100% commitment to your goal means cutting off all avenues of escape and dismantling anything that might distract your eyes from her, alone.
The more your wife trusts and believes in your ability as a great marriage partner, the more at-ease she will be in showing the full depth of her affection towards you. You can learn about these four approaches used by the most successful husbands to reignite their wife's passion by giving her reasons to trust you on a deeper level. Get our convenient, easy-to-read guide on how to be a better husband so that you can enjoy the benefits of having a happy wife in a good marriage that gets better over the long term.