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Mindfulness

Marriages Are Ugly and Therein Lies Their Beauty

By  David N Johnson

Three Marriage Benefits of Admitting When You're Wrong

Blame avoidance is the same thing as denying responsibility, yet it's something we all do. Self-preservation is built right into our DNA, and it can be a real uphill battle when it comes to accepting fault, no matter how small the fall out might be.

As a husband, you must resist the urge to deny responsibility. Denying your guilt doesn't have to be just a straight-out lie; it can include making excuses so that you don't have to shoulder the full weight of the blame.

As you can imagine, this creates a rift in your marriage because if it wasn't your fault, then you're insinuating that it's your wifes'. No, I'm not saying that everything is your fault (however, more often than not, it is. Am I right?), just that if it is, accept the blame.

By learning to shoulder the blame when you're at fault, you're showing your wife that you're willing to fix whatever it was that went wrong. Blame avoidance doesn't fix the issue; it just reassigns the blame to another person (your wife?) or thing. When you place the blame outside yourself, you take away your ability to fix it.

Sorry, Marriage Isn't Perfect (Not Sorry)

In a perfect world, everything goes right, every time. However, we live in an imperfect world. The same can be said for our marriages. They are imperfect at best.

But that's the beauty of marriages, they can be ugly, and that's precisely why they work. There is nobody that knows you better than your wife. She has seen you at your worst. She has seen you when you're sick, when you're sad, she has seen you distraught, and she has seen you when you're angry. That's the beauty of it because it's life unfiltered. And that's the way it should be because it's the two of you against the world.

That's why it's okay to admit when you're wrong. And when you do, do it quickly. Communicate your blame to your wife. Own up to it and be a man about it. If you're right, stop and ask yourself this question, "how do I know I'm right?" You'd be surprised how many times you think you're right when in fact, you never were. From there, if you are still right, there is never any need to rub it in, after all, the marriage is more important than who was right and who was wrong.

If it hurts your ego to admit when you're wrong, it's okay, we all feel the pain of accepting blame. It's a learned response. It's not something we like to do, but it's something that we must do. Accepting your blame has three major benefits:

  1. It takes the blame off of your wife
  2. It gives you an opportunity for personal growth
  3. It shows your wife that you value the relationship over being right

Pro Tip: If you've been in the habit of avoiding blame, odds are your wife is aware of it, and it's causing a rift in your marriage even if you don't know it. Starting today, admit to your wife that you were wrong about something. Tell her your sorry and ask for forgiveness. Pay close attention to how she responds to you. Now that wasn't so bad, was it?

David N Johnson


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