5 Ideas To Strengthen Your Marriage by Becoming a Better Husband and Learning How to Create Acceptance
It's easier to love your wife than it is to accept her for who she is. As men, we're naturally more dominant than women. We like things our way, and if we don't get it the way we want it, we can become aggressive.
By aggressive, I don't necessarily mean getting physical or even being verbally abrasive. Many times it's an act of silence, a scoff, an eye roll, or some other disapproving action that creates an environment of rejection.
It's this rejection that places a wedge in your marriage. Instead, focus on creating an environment of acceptance.
You cant change your wife, and you can't fix her because she isn't broken. If you genuinely want to be a better husband and reap the benefits of a strong relationship with your wife, then focus on accepting her for WHO she is.
You do this by first understanding that your wife is an individual, that she has her own hopes and dreams. Once you learn to treat your wife as an individual and not just an extension of you, then you begin to realize that she's more than JUST your wife.
You know that age-old thought-provoking question, "if a tree falls in the woods with nobody around to hear it, does it still make a sound?"
Well, when your wife's not around, does she still have a life? I know that's a strange question to ponder, but in speaking with many husbands and wives over the years, I've been told by many married women that they feel that their husbands tend to treat them with a certain level of indifference. Like we don't understand that they have thoughts, feelings, and opinions on more than just things related to the home.
Which brings me to:
Better Husbands Create Acceptance By Hearing Their Wifes Heart
To be a better husband, you must learn to listen to what your wife is saying. Not only to the words she uses but the feelings behind them. If you want a deeper level of understanding of not only your wife by the world around you, take a second to listen to what she is saying.
Growing up, I always thought that my grandfather talked too much. He'd talk about everything from his time as a pilot in WWII to local politics, laziness, and just about everything else.
I was so busy wanting to be a kid that his stories were nothing more than hindrances to me wanting to play. As I grew older and started hearing what my grandfather was saying, I began to appreciate them more and what he had to say.
I learned much about life, hard work, love, kindness, and patience. All it took was for me to realize that there was substance behind what he was saying. I'm a better person now because I listened.
I had the honor of speaking at his funeral in my early 20's and how I had the privilege of seeing him through the eyes of a child and later through the eyes of a man. When I stopped long enough to listen and stopped focusing on myself and what I wanted, I invited him in long enough to shape me into the man I am today. I just wish I had heard him sooner.
It's the same with your wife. She isn't a hindrance to the life you are living. She is the joy that comes along with it. Stop long enough to hear what she is saying. After all, you're on this journey together.
Committed Husbands understand their wives' hearts.
Better Husbands Create Acceptance By Letting His Wife Spread Her Wings
Your wife has dreams. Many times, in many marriages, those dreams are subservient to the man. Depression can arise from not working towards or living those dreams. In other words, she isn't who she desires to be. This depression can range from mild to manic.
"But David, we have kids and I was making more money." I hear you, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be more than a wife and a mother. That's not to say that she doesn't love her children or you, it just means that she doesn't love herself as much as she could.
She wants to bring value to the world beyond her role in the family and you should be okay with that.
Don't be the husband that's uncomfortable with his wife making money or having friends. Don't be scared that she will think she won't need you anymore. If you have that fear, then you have a lot of work to do in becoming a better husband. If you're not confident that she wouldn't use those wings to fly away, then it's time you take a really close look at how you're treating her.
Committed Husbands encourage their wives to fly.
Better Husbands Create Acceptance by Understanding That They're a Work In Progress.
We're not as good at relationships as women are. That may come as a shock to you, but it's true. Or, maybe that doesn't shock you, and you agree. Either way, good husbands continually work their craft knowing that they'll never become a master.
Like success, it's the journey towards becoming a great husband that brings us the most joy. That's where growth lies. If we ever get to the point where we know it all or at least think that we do, that's the exact moment we stop trying.
Show me a husband that knows it all; I'll show you an exhausted wife from always being wrong.
As humans, we're imperfect. Understanding that fact will do wonders for your marriage, especially when you can admit that. Most of us are highly confident in what we think we know and greatly overestimate how much we understand about women and our relationship with them. This makes us unable to grasp the complexities of marriage and our limitations in relation to it.
Sometimes, all we need are three things to turn a bad marriage into a good one:
- The understanding that we have limitations to what we know about a healthy marriage,
- The desire to bridge the gap between what we know and what should know, and
- The motivation to put into action the things we learn.
Committed Husbands understand that they are a work in progress.
Better Husbands Create Acceptance by Understanding That Logic Isn't Fool-Proof
Did I lose you? While it sounds good to say that logic can't be wrong, in practice, it often is. As men, we like to say that we argue with logic. That we are superior in that way to women, and because they are too emotional, they can't be logical.
You have to get over that. It's a non-sequitur. By the very standards of logic, that's completely illogical and makes no sense whatsoever.
You can't create an environment of acceptance if you think that you're superior to your wife. No, I don't think you think that. Not consciously anyway but what do your actions say? Believe me, your wife knows exactly what they say. Loud and clear.
Committed Husbands understand that logic isn't fool-proof.
Better Husbands Create Acceptance by Showing Displays of Affection
As men, we tend to shy away from affection. Especially the public display kind. It's not that we don't think it's important, just that we don't think it's as important as it really is.
One of the best ways to create an environment of acceptance (and marital bliss for that matter) is to show your wife affection and by giving her the quality time that she deserves. When you stop giving affection it causes your wife to guess at the reason or reasons why.
It could be that you're angry at her for something that she did. Or that you don't approve of the new way she is dressing. Or a number of other reasons that she may think of in her head. This is why ongoing communication is important in a marriage because left with our own thoughts we all tend to think the worst.
So, committed husbands, be affectionate. When talking with your wife, give her eye contact. Hug her, tell her how much you mean to her. Heck, give her a pet name as cheesy as that sounds. For years now I've been calling my wife lovey. When I don't and call her by her given name she likes to tell me that's not her name. And no, I'm not telling you to call your wife sugar bottom (haha).
If you're looking for a long term marriage then learn to show affection. Make it part of who you are. Don't go overboard with it because then it just because background noise, but enough so that you're wife knows that you accept her for who she is.
Committed Husbands show their wives affection in a variety of different ways.